My Worst Nightmare
by Catii'aSofii'a
Summary: Clint watches the footage of Loki's interrogation by Natasha, and suddenly, the reasons behind her nightmares become much clearer. Clintasha.


**Another Clintasha story, can't get enough of them. I would update my other two fanfics, but I ran out of ideas :\**

**Please enjoy and leave a comment! **

* * *

It wasn't right. At least, not this much! It had to have a logic explanation. Something must've hit home with Natasha, for her to have this many nightmares. They had rough times and traumatizing experiences in their life. Natasha, in the beginning of her spy life, would have bad dreams during the first week or so, but after a while, her mind just got so used to the bloodshed and the horrific torture methods that she barely dreamt about it. But it had been a month since Loki's attack, and she still didn't get a decent night of sleep.

Like the prior night, she woke up sweating, startled, eyes wide and scared, like a lost little girl. He heard her whimper and grip his bicep hard, sinking her nails in his flesh. Clint shook her and she flew up straight.

"Tasha, I'm getting worried," he whispered running a hand up and down her arm. "I know that the attack took a toll on all of us, but we've been through so much worse, what happened that left you so scarred?"

Natasha leaned into him. "It's nothing. Don't worry. We all have our ghosts," she replied in a nonchalant voice, like her nightmares didn't scare her half to death.

"Yeah, but wouldn't it be better if you told me what is it about? Certainly it would help," he stressed.

She tensed in his arms. "No," she said in a voice that he knew too well. It meant 'drop it or I'll hurt you'.

"As you wish," he muttered, kissing her bare shoulder.

"Let's get some sleep," she sighed.

Shifting, Natasha ended up with her head on the curve of Clint's neck, his arm around her shoulders, fingers running through her blood red hair. "I'll be here if you need me," he whispered against her head.

Natasha gave a tiny, imperceptible nod, and closed her eyes, hoping that the awful images of Clint's bare hands around her neck, with icy cold eyes, would go away.

* * *

"Natasha seems tired," Bruce pointed out, after the long meeting with Fury had finished.

"Of course she does, we all do," Tony yawned, stretching. "These things are the most boring things on earth. I think he hates us," rolling his eyes, he took his phone out and started to text Pepper.

"I'm not talking about that kind of tired, Tony," Bruce replied dryly. "Is she sleeping?" he asked Clint.

"Not really," Clint sighed. "She's been having constant nightmares," he muttered. "I wish I knew about what, but she doesn't open up to me and it scares me. I know the alien invasion was hard, on everyone, but Tasha is not one to get affected this much."

"After what Loki said to-" he yelped, interrupting his speech and leaving Hawkeye suspicious. "What. The. Hell, Captain Popsicle?" he growled at Steve who was glaring daggers at him.

"Be quiet and hold your tongue, Stark," Steve ordered. "Clint, you need to talk with Natasha because of this. Clearly she's upset, you need to make her tell you what's wrong."

"Tony was about to tell me," Clint said pointing at the billionaire currently rubbing his chin.

"No," Steve said, before Tony opened his mouth. "Stark, go back to your floor. The lovely Pepper is probably waiting for you for the charity ball this night. Don't stand her up. _Again_," Steve stressed. "Or I'll take your place as her date," he threatened.

Tony never got out of his chair and out of the "business" floor so fast before.

"Works like a charm," Steve muttered while everyone (Clint, Bruce and Thor) snickered.

"This has something to do with Loki and the time that he was in the helicarrier, isn't it?" Clint guessed, running a hand through his hair.

"My brother is manipulative," Thor stated. "He plays with humans minds like they're the best entertainment this world has to offer. I wouldn't doubt it."

"So glad he's rotting in a prison in Asgard," Clint muttered darkly.

Thor got quiet and cleared his throat. "If you excuse me, friends, I have an encounter with Lady Jane and I do not wish to miss it," he smiled, getting up. "Good luck, Archer, into helping your beloved," turning away, Thor abandoned the group, getting into the elevator.

"That man talks like he came out of a Shakespeare novel," Bruce shook his head. "Anyway, I should head down to the lab. There's a lot to analyze from last mission. If you need anything, Clint, just ask," Bruce patted Clint's back and he also left, leaving the archer with the captain.

"Steve, what happened when Loki was under arrest at the helicarrier?" Clint asked the super powered soldier.

"I'm sorry, Clint, I cannot tell you that," Steve sighed.

"You can't or you won't?" Clint muttered annoyed.

"It's not my place to talk," he shrugged.

"Fine," Clint spat and got up turning away abruptly. "Tasha!" he yelped when the red headed spy came in contact with his chest.

"What's wrong with you? Look where you're going," Natasha growled steadying herself.

"I'm sorry, my mind is somewhere else," he apologized.

"Right," she mumbled dryly. "Steve, Fury wants to see you in his office," Natasha said turning so she could face Steve.

The Captain nodded and got up, leaving for Fury's office.

"What's on your mind?" Natasha asked, now that they were alone.

"What's on your nightmares that scare you half to death?" he asked back.

"Not your business," they both said, synchronized.

Natasha glared at the smirking archer. She really hated that he knew her that well.

"I'm off to some target practice," he sighed, kissing her temple. "I need to blow up some steam!"

* * *

Clint lost track of time. It was easy when he was upset and had a bow, several arrows and targets spread all around the training area. He would try different moves, upgrade the old ones and his problems would go away. He ended up missing dinner and it was now past midnight, almost every Avenger was probably in bed. He left the training area, and got into the elevator, pushing the bottom for the floor he shared with Natasha. He clenched and unclenched his hand, wincing at the throbbing sensation in his fingers, caused by the constant contact with the bowstring. Clint sighed and leaned against the wall. He was exhausted – of the training, of trying to figure out what's wrong with Natasha; was anything in this world easy?

The elevator chimed and the doors opened. Clint directed himself to the floor's kitchen and retrieved a bottle of water from the fridge and an apple from the bowl on the counter. Quietly, he ate his fruit until small whimpers caught his attention. It came from the bedroom and he quickly jumped from the counter he had been sitting, jogging to the bedroom. He peaked and saw Natasha curled in a ball, tears running down her cheeks and small whimpers escaped her lips.

"Please, it's me…" she whimpered. "It's me, don't do this…"

Her voice, terrified him. So small, so broken, it scared him to the core, Natasha was never this vulnerable.

"Don't…listen…to him…"

When she started coughing he snapped out of his trance and sat down next to her, gently shaking her. "Tasha, wake up, it's just a dream. Tasha!"

Natasha woke up and Clint held her arms before her hands made his way to his throat. She was a skilled Russian spy, waking her up suddenly would get you killed. "It was just a bad dream, its ok now," he whispered.

Her green eyes searched his face. For what, only she knew.

Natasha searched for traces of the icy cold eyes, for the soulless man that was holding her head under the frozen water in Russia, in her nightmare. But thankfully, that awful imagine, stayed in her dream. In front of her there was only _her_ Clint. Ocean blue eyes, alive and worried; hands slowly stroking her arms, trying to get her to calm down.

This was getting unbearable. She would have to talk with Bruce for some sleeping pills, otherwise she would drive herself crazy.

"Please tell me what has gotten into you," he was desperate, she could hear it in his voice and felt guilty. "I want to help you, but I can't if you don't talk to me."

"You don't have to worry," she whispered.

"Natasha, you're kidding right?" he shook his head and cradled her face between his calloused hands. "You don't get any decent sleep, you constantly have nightmares, which is unusual. Something happened while Loki was in the helicarrier and I want to know!"

"Don't be a petulant child," her gaze hardened. "Whatever happened, it's in the past and you don't have to know it. It's not worth it."

"Well, it's been haunting you," he suddenly got up, facing away from her.

"Come to bed, Clint," Natasha asked very quietly. "I always sleep better when you hold me."

He stopped and rubbed a hand across his face. Clint hated that she had secrets towards him. They've been partners for over a decade, loyalty and honesty was always present between them. Why Natasha was so against him knowing what was wrong? Sighing, he shook his head and got ready for bed. Whatever it was, he was going to get answers in the morning.

* * *

Next morning while Maria was teaching Steve the wonders of modern technology, Bruce was playing with his chemistry things in the lab, Natasha was training and Thor had gone back to Asgard, Clint decided that he and Stark needed a little chat. Walking into the workshop he saw him lip-locking with his assistant/CEO/girlfriend, Pepper Potts. The woman had to be a saint to endure a life with the crazy scientist.

Clint cleared his throat, startling mostly Pepper. "I'm sorry, Pepper, but can I have some minutes with Tony?"

"No!" was Tony's immediate reply.

"Of course you can, Clint," Pepper answered swatting Tony's arm. "I need to get back to work," she pecked Tony and smiled sweetly at Clint, leaving the workshop.

"You suck," Tony whined. "I finally got her out of that goddamn office and…"

"Shut it, Tony, I'm not in the mood," Clint snapped.

"Don't get your panties in a bunch, Katniss," Tony smirked, watching the usual irritation that Clint had for that nickname cross his features. "What's up?"

"Yesterday, before Steve oh-so-gently kicked you, you were about to spill the beans," Clint approach Tony's work station. "Finish what you were about to say!"

"I'm not sure if I should, little Miss Russian would have my head in a silver plate," Tony shrugged.

"Then tell me, Tony, if it was Pepper having nightmare after nightmare, and wouldn't tell you anything about it, what would you do? Sit back and hope for the best while her nights were plagued by the demons?"

Tony tensed up and Clint felt victorious. Sure, it might have been a low blow using Pepper, the only weak spot in Tony's, to get his attention, but it was worth it to get some answers.

"Fine," Tony finally said. "JARVIS, please upload to Agent Barton's computer the footage of Loki's interrogation by Agent Romanoff."

"Right away, sir," the AI replied. "Done," he said two seconds later.

"You have your answers, Legolas," Tony sighed. "Now move it, I need to finish this upgrade."

"Don't blow anything up…again," Clint smirked and turned to walk away, when at the door he stopped and hesitated. "Hey Tony…" the scientist looked up from his work. "Thanks."

"Just don't tell your girlfriend that I send those videos," Tony rolled his eyes and Clint nodded.

* * *

Making sure he was alone, Clint powered up his laptop to see that a new file was updated. Taking a deep breath, he double clicked and the video started. There was Loki, pacing on his round cage at the helicarrier, when Natasha slowly approached it. The bastard knew she was there even before she spoke. He smirked and turned around.

"_There's not too many people that can sneak up on me,"_ he stated.

"_But you figured I come,"_ was her reply.

"_After…after whatever tortures Fury could concoct, you would appear as friend, as a bomb, and I could go operate,"_ Loki said, with that smirk plastered across his face.

She didn't flinch. "_I want to know what you've done with Agent Barton,"_ the million dollar question at the time, Clint figure out as much, and he hate himself for everything he had done while on Loki's control.

"_I just expanded his mind,"_ Loki answered like he did the greater good and God, Clint felt like punching the screen.

Natasha's head cocked to the said and with small, steady steps, she approached the glass. _"Once you've won, once you're king of the mountain," _she stopped and crossed her arms. _"What happens to his mind?"_

Clearly, this interrogation could be the reason Natasha was compromised when Clint had "woken up" from the mind control. He was barely in the middle of the footage, and something already told him he was going to absolutely hate the ending.

"_Oh, is this love Agent Romanoff?"_ Loki teased.

"_Love his for children, I owe him a debt,"_ she said through clenched teeth, her shoulders getting tense.

If Clint had a penny for every time those words had come out from Natasha's mouth, he would probably be as rich as Stark. Yet, he knew Natasha loved him. In her own way, sure, but it was love nonetheless.

Loki took several steps back. _"Tell me,"_ he asked calmly and sat down.

Natasha took a deep breath and wet her lips, uncrossing her arms, taking two steps to the right. _"Before I worked for SHIELD, I…" _she sat down at the chair_. "I made a name for myself,"_ she finished. _"I have a very specific skill set, I didn't care what I used it for…or on,"_ she added. _"I got on SHIELD's radar in a bad way. Agent Barton was sent to kill me,"_ she looked down. _"He made a different call,"_ she said looking up again.

And he would do it again. Clint wasn't able to kill Natasha back then, or would ever. Natasha was his other half. He guessed that when he took a first glimpse at her, ten years ago, from the roof, ready to aim, he subconsciously knew that she existed to complete him.

"_And what will you do if I vowed to spare him?"_ Loki asked.

Clint snorted. Yeah, like you could trust Loki's words or promises.

"_Not that you are,"_ Natasha said with a small smirk.

_Smart girl_, Clint thought.

Loki's grin was maniac_. "Oh, but I like this. Your world in a balance and you're bargaining for one man?"_

"_Legions fall every day,"_ Natasha stated. _"I tend not to weep about that, I'm Russian,"_ she shrugged. _"Or I was…"_

"_And what are you now?"_ Loki asked.

Natasha got up. _"It's really not that complicated,"_ she approached the glass and crossed her arms again. "_I got red in my ledger, I'd like to wipe it out,"_ she said and Clint could very well relate to that sentence. He had a record before joining SHIELD too.

"_Can you?"_ Loki inquired. _"Can you wipe out __**that**__ much red? Dreykov's daughter?"_ Loki stated.

Clint froze and he watched Natasha swallow and tensing.

"_Sao Paulo?"_ Loki went on. _"The hospital fire?"_

Clint paled. How did he have his hands on that information?

Natasha was getting paler by the second.

"_Barton told me everything,"_ Loki said.

The archer stopped the video. He gritted his teeth, hands turning into fists. Damn him. Damn Loki, damn himself. Natasha didn't get herself compromised, Clint helped to that and a lot. Guilt started on his stomach and was quickly spreading through his body.

He had to keep watching, so he pressed play again.

Loki got up, not maniac anymore, but taking an offensive stance. He was out for blood. _"Your ledger is dripping, it's gushing red and you think saving a man, no more virtuous that yourself, will change anything?_" he got closer to the glass, to Natasha. She was still in place, and Clint could see she was putting up an act (she was in the verge of tears and oh please, its Natasha, she simply doesn't cry), but he also knew that those words were getting to her. _"This is the basis sentimentally. This is a child's pray, pathetic,"_ he spat. "_You lie and kill in service of liars and killers. You pretend to be severed, to have your own code. Something that pays off for the horrors. But they are a part of you and they will never go away,"_ Loki's speech was making Clint really angry. One part, the monster was right. The other part, he was tormenting his partner and that was just unacceptable.

The way that Loki's fist collide with the glass made Natasha jump back a little and Clint tensed up. _"No one will touch Barton. Not until I make him kill you,"_ Clint's eyes widened to the extreme and his mouth went dry. _"Slowly, intimately, in every way he knows you fear," _the archer felt sick. The emotions playing on Natasha's face were no longer an act, she was genuinely terrified; that was the look Clint saw in her face every time she woke up from her nightmare and suddenly everything clicked. _"And he'll awake just long enough to see his good work and when he screams I'll split his skull…"_

Clint shut the laptop with so much strength that he heard a slight crack. He was shaking. With rage, with guilt, with terror! Now everything made sense. Natasha didn't want to tell him her dreams because they were about him and the ways he could kill her. He closed his eyes and took deep breaths that were no good. If Loki wasn't in Asgard, Clint would probably be on his way to whatever place he would be on earth, and kill him with his bare hands. His words repeated themselves in his head and Clint shook it, to try and get them off. Picking up the laptop, he threw it against the wall, shattering it.

* * *

When Natasha entered the living room, on the floor she shared with Clint, and saw the broken laptop, she frowned. What happened to her usually calm and collected partner? Searching the floor, she didn't find him anywhere.

"Agent Barton is not in this floor, Agent Romanoff," JARVIS voice said.

"Really?" she replied sarcastically.

"Do you wish to know his whereabouts?" JARVIS asked.

"Seeing as there is a broken laptop in the living room, I know he's upset, so I think he's in the roof?" Natasha guessed.

"Indeed," JARVIS confirmed.

Natasha sighed. Clint had been moody lately, she knew it was partially her fault. Clint was worried about her but Natasha couldn't come out and say that her nights were haunted of images of Clint strangling her, shooting an arrow through her heart, holding her head under water or burning her alive. It would be too much for him. He was already blaming himself for the lives lost during the attack he planned while under Loki's control, why add to that? She would get over it, eventually, she just needed more time.

Of course she found him on the roof, legs swinging in a rhythmic pace. Three steps behind him and he sighed. "You know that I love you, right? I have loved you for the longest time," he stated, his voice tired.

Sitting down next to him, she glanced at him but he wasn't looking at her, he was looking ahead, watching the New York busy life from the top. He always saw better from a distance. "Love is for children, Clint," she whispered.

"Well, then call me a kid and give me a lollipop, sweetheart," he joked but his face was serious. "I'm in love with you and you can't do anything about that."

There were a few moments of silence; only the wind could be heard between the two partners. Finally, Clint glanced at Natasha.

"I love you too," she said with one small but genuine smile.

"I'm not sharing my lollipop with you," he shrugged with a smirk and she playfully punched him in the shoulder. "Now that we got that settled…you know that I would never hurt you, right?" he asked, quietly, gazing at the Manhattan Island.

"Or I you, Clint," Natasha replied, scooting closer to his side and hugging his arms.

"I saw the footage of you interrogating Loki," he told her. "I'm sorry," Clint whispered.

Natasha tensed and her grip tightened.

"Clint, it's nothing," she tried to sooth him.

"What he said," he started, the words coming out forced. "Of me…killing you…is that…"

"Yes," she confirmed. What was the point in lying when he already knew the truth?

"How?" Clint asked.

"Different ways, but it's never you, not really," Natasha explained. "The worst part of my nightmare is when he wakes you up…" her lip actually trembled and she closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. "I'm not capable of fighting you, because I don't want to hurt you. And in the end, we both end up dead."

Clint hugged her. "I'm sorry!"

"It's not your fault," she shook her head. "It's Loki."

"He can't hurt us anymore," Clint whispered stroking her hair, that was getting longer (he secretly loved her long red curls). "I'm here. I'm incapable of hurting you. I love you."

"I know and I love you too," Natasha sighed into his chest. "Can we take a nap? I feel exhausted."

"Sure, let's head down, we don't need to leave for our mission until tomorrow at sunset, rest should probably be our first concern," he said and they both got up. "How about your nightmares?"

"I feel like now that you know the truth…and we both come clean about our feelings, that it will get better," Natasha pondered.

"Let's test it, then!"

In the end, both ended up sleeping a full day, only waking up so they could board the plane that was waiting to take them to their next mission. Natasha's nightmares were gone and both her and Clint, were going to be alright.


End file.
